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‘Dr. Donald’ Believes Soda Cures Cancer Because ‘It Kills Grass’

Now that Donald Trump has proudly declared that he sees himself as a “doctor” who is healing the American public, it seems he has yet another tip for healthy living we can all implement into our everyday lives as a way of warding off cancer.

According to Dr. Mehmet Oz, administrator for Medicare and Medicaid, the so-called president has told him on more than one occasion that drinking soda is a miracle cure for cancer.

Speaking with Dementia Don’s son, Don Jr., Oz remarked, “Your dad argues that diet soda is good for him because it kills grass if you pour it on grass, so therefore it must kill cancer cells inside the body.”

“I’m not even going to argue this right now,” Oz continued.

Oz also shared a memory of walking in on Trump drinking an orange Fanta during a flight on Air Force One.

“He’s got a Fanta on the desk, and I say, ‘Are you kidding me?’ So he starts to sheepishly grin, he goes, ‘You know, this stuff’s good for me, it kills cancer cells.’”

You know, it’s one thing to be stupid, but it’s something even more troubling when you believe things as “facts” that are clearly bullshit. Could it be any clearer that Donald Trump needs to be booted from the presidency? He’s not only too stupid to be head of state, but he’s also downright delusional.

Picture of Will Greene

Will Greene

I've been a writer and reporter for over a decade and graduated from Northwestern with a degree in English. I live in the Southwest USA.
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